Eat ALLmonds

November 13, 2015

I just had an epiphany. Almonds are called ALLmonds because you need to eat ALL of them to be the king of kings. Have you ever noticed that if someone puts a bowl of 10 roasted salted almonds in front of you, you eat ALL of them? If they put down 30 almonds you eat ALL of them? There is literally a bio-physio-chemico connection between the human branium and the almondite (the material that almonds are made of) which causes humans to be unable to resist their lure (salamanders and chimps are immune to this effect due to the pact formed during the times of the fish wars.)

Almonds are high in potassium, fat, protein, carbohydrate, amino acids, minerals, nuts, bromium, compounds and elements, making them unbeatable as a source of food.

Studies have shown that only eating some of the almonds in front of you is not only impossible, but has caused negative effects such as shame and sorrow in the people who have done it.

In ancient Mesopotamia, foods were named in an instructional manner; thus, Almonds are supposed to be ALL eaten – just as Salmon is really good for people named SAM, and mountain dew is designed to be drunk on a mountain. Did you know, that dairy is so named because people used to dare each other to drink milk? Can you imagine trying to sneak up on a pregnant wild buffalo to milk it?

Pay more attention to the names of foods my friend, they are all derived from ancient wisdom.


One Response to “Eat ALLmonds”

  1. gilgongo said

    Some almonds are made from almondium though. Perhaps this might change their interaction with reality?

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