Quite Good Vibrations

November 14, 2011

Homeopaths believe that water has a “memory” which can be activated through shaking, or “vibrating” the water. This makes sense, since ‘vibration’ rhymes with ‘hydration’.

This got me thinking, if homeopathy can literally lift diseases out of people through the magic of ‘vibration’, then why cant us humans also make use of vibrating energy to self heal, and maybe even bench press a bit more?

I experimented at the gym by standing on a vibration plate whilst trying to ‘remember’ the exercises I’m not able to complete. To my astonishment, this had no effect. I used time as a variable, and stood on the plate for 30, 90, and 3600 seconds. The longer duration seemed to trigger the effect, as all of a sudden, I suddenly felt my water become “active”. As we are literally full of water this is quite a powerful effect, as there must be literally hundreds of water molecules inside of our body cavities.

Once the water had activated (I knew this from the tingly feeling), I then attempted the bench press and found that I was able to lift the highest weight I have ever lifted between 1982 and 2010.

I once bought a box of sticks in a Chinese supermarket, and the man said that one is supposed to shake the box really really hard until eventually a stick pops out, and on it is written your fortune, except he said that sometimes all of sticks would all fall out and go everywhere in get in my bowl of cheesy beans and I’d have to lick the sticks clean but might get a splinter in my tongue. Maybe it is the power of shaking or ‘vibration’ that allows our muscles to predict the future.

Other health benefits of vibration must be present, such as increased proprioceptive feedback and joint lubrication, as well as muscle massage. All of these benefits, together with water activation give a power package that is not to be ignored. I’ve developed a secret strategy to leverage these effects which will leave other athletes quaking in their shoes. I won’t divulge the secret, but let’s just say that it involves sleeping on a vibration plate.

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