Very Specific training

July 7, 2009

If you want to have big pecs, you should train your pecs. Although this may seem obvious, it is only so because as we developed as children, the ‘law of specificity’ was treated as common sense, so we learned to associate or ‘infer’ actions and reactions.

When in the gym, you should think about why you are doing each and every exercise (‘because you see other people doing it’ is not a good enough reason). Conversely, you should examine your body’s weak points and question how they could be addressed.

I have been doing some research by logging everything I do over the last year and calculating its effectiveness, and I can now reveal my ‘very specific training plan’:

It is absolutely essential that you perform a bench press 40 times per year, and ensure that 12% of your workouts are dominated by bicep curling 22% of your body weight with an EZ bar whilst looking in the mirror, 1.5 hours after eating breakfast.

It is equally imperative that whilst performing 1 legged squats on your left leg on a wooden floor, you exhale for 3 seconds on the way up. Each year you should perform 190 sets of lat pulldown with your grip 15 inches apart and your knees7.5 inches apart, whilst wearing a tight black t shirt and being spotted by a male friend in a warm room.

You should breathe in when releasing the weight.

The best time to perform ab crunches is May 18th at 6.55am. You should ensure that you drink 2 cups of chocolate milk from an aluminium container 12 minutes after performing a deadlift with an alternate grip using an Olympic bar.

You should pay £28 per month for your gym membership, and it is vital that when your scapulae are 9 degrees from full extension when performing cable rows on a leather seat that a receptionist called Alison should enter the room and notify you that you had forgotten your towel.

More results are emerging all the time, but the above guidelines should more or less give you what you need in a workout. You will almost definitely see some approximate increase in your performance using these heuristics.

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2 Responses to “Very Specific training”

  1. xtremefit said

    essentially, yes.

    statistically analysing my results shows the cause and effect – paying £28 a month caused me to increase my muscle strength.

    Thats not to say that paying in dollars might not cause similar gains, I’m just not sure.

  2. Chad Dukes said

    I’m doing everything that I can to incorporate your suggestions. However, my gym says they won’t accept foreign currency!?! Am I screwed?

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