All aboard the vom express

July 3, 2009

Puking is natures way of testing you, like a sergeant major who gets you up at 5am every day for the last year, beasts you on the trail run, even though you have already beaten your personal record twice, and then scrubs you down with a washing up brush until you’re red raw.

If you’ve never worked out until you’ve vomited, you’ve never worked out. Chucking your guts up is your body’s way of saying ‘hold on a sec, I just need to empty myself so it doesn’t all slosh around in here….ok now lets really push it!’. Additionally, it purges toxins from your system as well as giving your rectus abdominus a pretty good workout in the heaving motions. In fact, studies have shown that muscles contract throughout the entire body during vomiting, so not only are you expelling calories, you’re burning them too! Calories are far and away the worst thing in the world of fitness.

If you have worked out at a very high intensity in the past, for example in your first ever kickboxing class, I’m guessing that you probably haven’t been able to sustain this for very long without throwing up all over myself. Don’t panic, just keep going. Darwin has taught us that everything we do is because of natural selection, so puking is descended from 1 person millions of years ago who spontaneously emptied their body to the advantage of their survival. Absolutely any behaviour which we have naturally evolved to perform is natural and healthy and you should encourage yourself to do it as much as possible to strengthen the gene pool. Lots of people mistakenly see vomiting as a sign of ‘illness’, but they are wrong. Is pooping ‘wrong’? How about language and chromosomes and taste? Of course not, because they are all naturally evolved. It’s OK, I’m not racist against Christians…if you are religious I’ll allow your belief that vomiting is ‘magic’.

If you feel really really bad it’s just your body’s way of giving you the thumbs up…haven’t you ever heard of ‘no pain no gain’? You should feel proud that you are really working hard, beyond the limits of most couch potatoes.

Sometimes you might be disappointed that you have worked out really hard and still not vomited…I’m here to tell you it’s ok…it’s happened to us all at one point. Vomiting shouldn’t be the yardstick by which you measure your gains, simply a little bonus that lets you know you have aced out.

In short, throwing up is not only an exercise in itself, it’s a natural method of enhancing your performance.


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